Transition: Putting yourself in the Driving Seat

Taking control of the conversation

Conversations are a two-way thing. You’re not there to be talked at, you’re at your appointment to have a chat with your epilepsy doctor. It’s your responsibility to take charge when you don’t understand and it’s your consultant’s responsibility to explain in a way that you do. But it takes confidence to steer the conversation.

The first thing to remember is that you have the right to say ‘I don’t understand’. There’s no shame or embarrassment in asking for an explanation in plain English. Practise saying:

  • Can you give me an example?
  • Please can you explain in another way?

And paraphrase what your epilepsy doctor says, for clarification, for example ‘So you’re saying I should do xxx? Is that right?’.

You’re in charge of your future. And you’re the boss of your body. If you need to take time out of the appointment to think, take it.

The art of saying No

No is a powerful word. It’s just two letters that have a huge impact. Two letters that some of us find difficult to say – especially to professionals or people with authority. But it’s a word you have the right to say, and you don’t have to justify why. It’s ok to say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ in your appointment. And to be clear you mean it, say it twice, for example ‘No, I don’t feel this is the right choice for me. No.’

How to boost your confidence

There’s more to body language than facial expressions and how we fold our arms. It’s incredibly powerful.  And it’s something you can use to help you feel more confident. Caroline explains that “When we feel nervous, we close off our bodies and feel hidden. This creates cortisol, a stress inducing hormone that makes us feel vulnerable. Sitting hunched in a chair looking at our phones has the same effect on our bodies. Our body sends messages of positivity to our brain, so we need to get out of our heads and into our bodies.”

Dr Amy Cuddy shares the secrets of successful body language in her Power Posing talk. Amy reveals how holding a power pose for just 2 minutes can reduce your stress hormone, cortisol, and increase your confidence boosting testosterone levels. You can choose from discreet power poses that you can use in the waiting room or more obvious ones that you could use if you pop to the loo before your appointment. Anything that makes you feel bigger will work. This could be sitting up tall in your waiting room chair, shoulders back and chin-up. In fact, looking up is just as powerful.

Eye Accessing Cues

You’ve heard the sayings ‘things are looking up’ and ‘chin-up’ rather than ‘downright miserable’, right? Well, there’s a scientific explanation why we say both. When we access our emotions, we look down and are more positive when we look up. Looking down before your appointment won’t help your confidence. Keep your peripheral vision. Look around you with your head held high and expand your vision rather than looking down. You can do this subtly. Think of a sunflower. They hold their heads upwards to the light and you rarely see them move. They do, of course, but they take very subtle steps. Follow Caroline’s advice “If you’re feeling down, look up.”

Remember to breathe

Did you know how we breathe reflects our mood? It also influences our heartbeat. You know what it’s like when we’re nervous, we shallow breathe. And when we’re stressed our brain capacity changes and we struggle to find the right words. Everything changes when we breathe properly.

How you breathe can impact your confidence.  Think about your breathing. What would happen if you controlled your breathing before your appointment? Well by just evenly breathing in for 5 seconds and out for 5, it keeps our breath even. It calms the body and mind so that you can focus.

There’s a reason why pregnant women learn breathing techniques in preparation for labour. Regulating your breathing works. And it’s all about practise. Just like riding a bike or writing for the first time. The more you practise, the more instinctual it becomes.

Allow your body to lead your mind. Practise your breathing and your power poses to boost your confidence. Not just for your appointment but for life.

Stay positive

Positive thinking is a powerful tool. Sometimes it feels more achievable than others but it can help you focus on your future ahead. Start to talk about your appointment as a positive experience – because it is. This is your chance to improve your health. If you didn’t have your appointment what would happen? You can maximise your health, choices and enjoyment of life by taking control of every session with your epilepsy doctor.

You don’t need to enjoy the process but you do need to own it. Tell yourself ‘I’m ok. It’s ok’. Turn the volume up on the good things in life by taking charge.  Your freedom to enjoy your life starts here.

Think about what you want from your appointments and ask yourself:

  • What matters to you?
  • How can this appointment maximise your life?
  • How do you want to communicate? It’s ok to say ‘I’m recording this’ or ‘I’ve made a voice note to explain how I feel because I might get tongue tied here and now

You might also find it helpful to write these questions down in your phone/notebook and take them with you. Listen with curiosity and own it - know what questions you want to ask:

  • What are they saying?
  • What does it mean?
  • What are the benefits/risks?
  • What would happen if I do/don’t?
  • What wouldn’t happen if I do/don’t?
  • What does that mean to me physically/emotionally/practically?
  • What other options are available?
  • Can you give me an example of someone else in this situation?
  • Is this the only option?
  • Are there any non-medical options?

Remember this is YOUR appointment. You need to be the detective and ask the questions that will help you plan your future.

Transition content on The Channel is supported by an educational grant from GW Pharmaceuticals
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